Relationships and the Quest for the Sacred
By Mary Ellen Ott
In the spring of 2004, Rhonda Byrne's life was in shambles. She faced many life challenges in every area, including her relationships. At that time she was given a book that introduced her to the universal laws and principles that govern the universe. As a result of reading this book and applying what she learned, Rhonda completely transformed her life for the better. She set out to find others who knew about this great “secret.” She learned that many famous people and religious traditions have taught these life-altering principles throughout history and that many contemporary philosophers, teachers and authors echoed these same ideas as well. Rhonda adopted the mission to bring these teachings to the world. Her vision led her to create and produce a movie called The Secret, released in April 2006. The movie presents the Law of Attraction in an easy-to-understand format for those who may think of meta-physical principles (those beyond the realm of the physical) as being reserved for mystics and the spiritually gifted. Not so! The Law of Attraction is actively working in all of our lives whether we know it or not. Learning and applying these teachings in a way that we become conscious co-creators of our lives certainly makes sense.
When we think of attraction in terms of relationships, the first thing that comes to mind may be the superficial aspects of physical beauty, but the metaphysical view is a completely different perspective. As stated in an online summary of the movie's teachings (found at www.thesecret.tv), “You can completely transform any relationship, no matter what it's like right now. Every single relationship you have is a reflection of how you feel inside about you. You are a magnet attracting to you all things via the signals you are emitting through your thoughts and feelings. Every relationship you have and every interaction with every person is a reflection of your own thoughts and feelings in that very moment.” In other words, transforming your relationships is an inside job.
Joel Osteen, the author of Your Best Life Now: 7 Steps to Living at Your Full Potential, also addresses the issue of the power of thought in determining the quality of our lives and relationships. He states that our thoughts determine our actions, attitudes, self-image and ultimately our destinies. He also compares the power of thought to a magnet that attracts to us what we consistently think about. In his words, “If you're always thinking positive, happy, joyful thoughts, you're going to be a happy, joyful person, and you will attract other happy, upbeat, positive people.” He goes on to say that our thoughts affect our emotions, and because of this, they are a primary determinant of how we feel.
With that in mind, it is easy to see why self-love is a prerequisite to healthy relationships. However, self-love sometimes elicits unnecessary negative, guilt-producing reactions from people, especially women who are conditioned to put their own needs aside. However, positive self-regard does not refer to narcissistic, selfish behaviors but rather to appropriate self-nurturance. Self-nurturance in turn gives us the strength and energy to devote ourselves to all the important areas of our lives, including our relationships.
Leo Buscaglia, Ph.D., (1924-1998) was one of the biggest advocates of extending ourselves in loving relationships. He was an author, lecturer and professor of education at the University of Southern California where he created, developed and facilitated a “Love Class.” He was known as one of the most loving, generous individuals of his time, yet even he taught the necessity of self-love. In his book, Love, Dr. Buscaglia wrote “When you love yourself, you will love others. And to the depth and extent to which you can love yourself, only to that depth and extent will you be able to love others.”
Each of us is responsible for our own happiness, thoughts and feelings. When you are pleased with your present reality, it is easy to accept the idea that you are responsible for having attracted all of this beauty into your life by placing your attention on what you intended to manifest. However, what do you do when your relationships are in need of help and healing? According to Gerald G. Jampolsky, M.D., and Diane V. Cirincione in their book Change Your Mind, Change Your Life, “Healing is a unilateral choice.” They suggest that we choose to see others as loving and become “love finders” instead of “fault finders” and to be forgiving rather than judging. They stress the importance of choosing to be peaceful inside in spite of what is happening outside since what we perceive in others is a projection of our thoughts. Lastly, they suggest that if we encounter individuals and perceive them as attacking us, we can choose to see them as being fearful and their behavior as a cry for help and love.
In all relationships, it is wise to maintain a present-moment focus and let go of the past. In the words of best-selling author Marianne Williamson in Everyday Grace, “The key to right relationship…is to allow each one, in every moment, to be lifted from the past. Relationships are reborn whenever we see people as they are right now and don't hold them to who they were.” Energetically speaking, it is only the present moment that is our point of attraction.
For those of you who may doubt the power we have to determine the quality of our lives and relationships, we are fortunate to be living at a time when scientific evidence is available to back what once may have been looked upon as lofty ideals and questionable theories.
For further information, you may consider reading:
• The Field: The Quest for the Secret Force of the Universe by
Lynne McTaggart
• Power vs. Force by David R. Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D.
•Infinite Mind: Science of the Human Vibrations of
Consciousness by Valerie Hunt
Mary Ellen Ott is a holistic life coach and the founder of Nurture U. She specializes in helping clients address wellness and life-balance issues through healthy self-nurturance. For further information, you may contact her at (440) 933-5892 or visit her website
