Managing Expectations to Deal with Holiday Stress
By Athmo
Holidays in America have become a commercial event in which many of us try to express our love, as well as meet the expectations of our loved ones by giving them material goods and/or food. While it may be more meaningful to spend time with family and friends, we are under such pressures from our jobs and other responsibilities that it is easier to give a gift than to carve out time to spend with those we love.
Stress experienced during the holiday season begins when we do not meet our own expectations or the expectations of others. You may not realize it, but the brain is an expectations-processing machine. It creates an expectation about any and all things, and it uses comparisons to process information and to determine whether the expectation is met or not. Unfortunately, the brain's expectations and comparisons mode is not a conscious process, and it is not necessarily rational. For example, stress is experienced even when the expectations are unrealistic and cannot be fulfilled given an individual's circumstances.
This stress may be long-lasting instead of short-lived and only during the holidays. That is because once we have an expectation, our brain will constantly remind us if we have not fulfilled it. Depending on our conditioning, we may feel emotions such as guilt, remorse, frustration, depression, anger and anxiety or even suffer from panic attacks. If the holidays repeatedly arouse these emotions, then we probably will start to avoid and dread this time of year.
There are five major expectations in our lives: relationships, money, health, religion and death. We all experience pressure from these both individually and in groups. Often – and especially around the holidays – family and friends share with us their expectations for us. For example, an unmarried person may be questioned about when he/she plans to marry; a married couple may be asked when they plan to have kids or buy a house; others may be asked about school or career plans. The endless list can create additional knots of pressure.
How do we reduce the impact of these five expectations? By relaxing our brain, the blocked energy is able to flow freely into the body and the impact of stress is not felt. The following 15-minute technique works specifically on the center of the brain (the limbic system).
1) Find a quiet place to sit comfortably. Eliminate all extraneous noise, and especially be sure to turn off your cell phone.
2) Breathe in a relaxed natural way through your nose. Keep your mouth open with your jaw and face relaxed for the entire 15-minute process.
3) After the first two minutes of relaxed breathing, take in a deep breath and hold it for one to two seconds; then exhale and hold your out breath for one to two seconds. Repeat this for the next 12 breaths.
4) Bring your head forward slowly until it hangs. Then slowly move it up and slightly back, and hold it there for few seconds. Repeat this five times.
5) Turn your head slowly and gently to the left and hold it there for two seconds. Then turn your head slowly and gently to the right and hold it there for two seconds. Repeat this five times.
6) After these movements, sit in silence with your face, mouth and jaw relaxed, continuing to breathe through your nose.
Stress and tension often gather in and around the mouth, teeth and jaw. If you use the above technique every day, your face and mouth will automatically be relaxed more often. Try to remember to relax your face and jaw when you are around your family and friends. It will help your brain remain relaxed. Continue to do this technique all year through to lead a healthier and less stressful life.
Athmo has been teaching consciousness and stress-reduction techniques for the past six years. He has developed several techniques to reduce the constant chatter in the mind, thereby bringing people to their highest potential. He discusses these techniques in his book Managing Expectations & Comparisons. He is a 500-hour registered and certified yoga instructor with The Yoga Alliance of America, and he has an M.A. and M.S. from The University of Akron. He may be reached by calling (216) 287-0237 or e-mailing oshofriends@cox.net.
