For the most part, my life before cancer was business as usual. I was going about life with my husband, raising three young kids, and living under the illusion that I had all the time in the world to reach my life goals. Most of my activities focused around taking care of others; in fact, I wasn't even on my own list of things to do and people to care for. Then in August 1988, when a lump appeared during my breast self-exam and cancer was confirmed, the diagnosis hit me like a brick in the face.

   When I thought “cancer,” my internal response was, “I'm going to die.” Everyone I had ever known who had had cancer, including friends and extended family, had died from it. End of story. The diagnosis of cancer shattered the illusion that I was immortal.

   So many questions and issues immediately came to my mind, not only issues of surgery and chemotherapy, but all the psychological concerns related to the fact that I had cancer and that I could die from it. How could I live with this? What would I say to my kids? How would I take care of my family with some semblance of normalcy in the midst of being sick? My background as a health educator helped me understand how to go about finding the answers to the medical questions, but I also knew that the medical treatment was only one part of the battle.

   I have always known inside that what we believe about things has a big impact on our life, physically and emotionally. Therefore, the day after the diagnosis, I made an appointment with a psychologist. I went for counseling because I needed to find out about the perceptions I had about myself, the cancer and life that might be barriers to my getting well again. I had to face the fact that not only could I die from this illness, but that even without the cancer, I was still going to die someday. How could I get through this and live life as fully as possible?

   The professional counseling taught me about my strengths. I learned that I had courage to face difficulties, such as chemotherapy, with grace, and that I had the determination to say, “This isn't easy, but I can make myself get through it.” I also learned to draw on my personal faith, not expecting that God was going to cure me or take cancer away, but knowing that God was there to tap into for strength. The cancer experience brought me closer to my family. It showed me just how precious those relationships are and not to waste the time with those closest to me. One of the biggest lessons I learned was that although we don't have control over a lot of what happens to us, we do have power over our perceptions and our responses to what happens. We have the choice to live life fully; doing what is life-giving.

   My treatment was successful, but in 2001, 13 years later, I had a recurrence. The possibility of a recurrence had been one of my biggest fears, but when the doctor called and confirmed the diagnosis, there was calmness about me and I was okay. I simply thought, “I know about cancer. I know the cancer journey. So I wonder what I'm going to learn this time that I didn't learn before.” Through the recurrence I learned that it's pointless to try and prove myself or my gifts to anyone. I don't need to try to fit into a mold, the way others want me to be. It's important for me to be who I am, to do what I do and do it well. I also learned to believe in myself. The cancer experiences helped me find a new way to fulfill part of my life purpose, which was by walking the cancer journey with others.

  This started early on as I met other people going through chemotherapy. As we talked and shared, some would say to me, “Hey, you look really good. What are you doing differently?” I told them about my interest in mind-body medicine. I was practicing imagery and relaxation techniques. Getting in touch with stress-related issues within myself and working through them helped me a lot, not only in my cancer treatments, but also in the way I viewed my life in general. As I shared these things with others, I connected with them in a way that really fed my soul.

   Once out of my cancer experience, I went for training at the Harvard Mind/Body Medical Institute in Boston and the Academy for Guided Imagery in California. I also took coursework at Rainbow Babies and Children's Behavioral Medicine Department. Today, I'm a mind/body medicine specialist working in private practice. The experience that I had with cancer prepared me for helping people walk the journey through serious illness and other life crises. I help them make connections in mind/body and spirit, generally using guided imagery and relaxation techniques. I focus on the crisis and illness because I've learned that crisis and illness are a normal part of life and can be expected. When people in crisis ask, “Why me?” I respond, “That isn't the question. The questions you need to ask are, 'What will I do now? How will I take this situation and turn it into an opportunity for healing and personal growth?”

   This is why I say that cancer, for me, was a gift. In many ways, my life after cancer has been far better than it was before cancer. I wasn't nearly as alive and thriving before the cancer. It's been 16 years since the first diagnosis, and if somebody had told me 20 years ago that I'd be doing this kind of work in private practice and professionally speaking to women's retreats and other groups, I would have laughed so hard that I'd have stopped breathing, or else I'd have run like heck! The things that happen in our lives really can help us develop gifts we didn't know we had, and move us in directions where we can be most effective with those gifts, to make the world around us better.

Jane Pernotto Ehrman, MEd, CHES is a Board Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and an Interactive Guided Imagery Guide. In addition to her office on Cleveland's East side, she works in the Cleveland Clinic Foundation's Center for Integrative Medicine in Broadview Heights. She can be reached by calling (440) 213-1872 or e-mailing jane.ehrman@earthlink.net. Her website can be found online at www.imagesofwellness.com.

Photos by Bob Perkoski